The Day of Anxiety Episodes

Depression offers such a variety of attractions that you don’t need any other illnesses to feel something different every day. Many of these symptoms aren’t typically associated with depression. Like diarrhea or other stomach problems, like muscle aches (I suffered from shoulder, neck, and back pains for years, which nothing seemed to alleviate). It’s like a depressive wheel of fortune. What will hit me today? So today was a day of anxiety. Right from the morning.

It’s difficult to explain. Anxieties, waves of terror… for no reason at all. You wake up in good spirits and fresh, as the poet says, and after a few minutes or maybe an hour, the rollercoaster and tunnel of fears begin. Well… not exactly. Because on a rollercoaster or in a tunnel of fears, there are reasons for your fear. Usually, that’s how life works. But not in depression. Psychologists call this phenomenon ‘generalized anxiety’ or ‘free-floating anxiety.’

Wake up, use the bathroom, have coffee… and then, terror. Just like that. Without any reason, nothing bad is happening or foretold (well, at least in the short term, because in the long run, of course, we all will die), yet it’s physically palpable — the tightness in the stomach and chest, tense muscles, fear, apprehension, panic… After some time, after some experience, every patient learns depression. They learn their symptoms, recognize the impending breakdown, and…