Through my garden the Satan walked, deadly sad

Depression is a terrible, deadly disease. What makes it worse is that often it’s not visible on the outside. Most people I meet see me as a cheerful, nice guy, even happy, while at the same time, I’m contemplating whether to end it all today or tomorrow. And how to do it.

“Through my garden the Satan walked, deadly sad
And turned it into a scary, horrible hermitage…
He walked with morose head laid down on his chest
And buried the blooming flowers with ash,
Covered the lawns with the blocks of stone he threw
And sowed the craze of dread and the death of terror…
Until, frightened with his work, [as if] burdened with lead
He lay down in this stone wilderness
To smother the despairs sobbing in his chest,
And the cries with the fiery tears of horrible sorrows…”

Statistically, everyone has such a person in their environment. Sometimes, the behavior of that person contradicts the image of depression. I myself sometimes escape from what I feel through various frantic activities (yes, including online activities) or react terribly aggressively in stressful situations.
There’s also alcohol and drugs, as well as various…